I have struggled with my weight for almost as long as I can remember. At first I compared myself to my family and friends, hyper-aware of the ways I was different… my legs a little bigger, or my arms a little flabbier.
As I grew up instead of growing out of that thought pattern of rigorous comparison, I grew larger. And so did my world.
Nevermind the photoshopped and airbrushed models of the billboards and magazines, I saw (and personally knew) real people who were passionate about good health. I have friends who run marathons. I see young moms doing Kettlebell workout videos during naptime because it helps them feel awesome and be more present to their families. I see people in the gym who are happy to be there.
But I’ve been this way my whole life. I don’t know anything different. I honestly thought that having an unhealthy relationship with food, and being unhappy in my clothes was my destiny. I was just going to have to suck it up and deal because this is who I am.
Or is it? Back in March, as I was looking for new things to add to my life, something else to put my focus on instead of getting caught in a cycle of boredom and lethargy and complacency, a thought wouldn’t leave me alone.
Why not me?
What was really holding me back from a healthier life? What was keeping me from being that person who was exploding with energy and moving daily towards better health not further from it? Why did I feel like I was doomed to life over 200 lbs but other, luckier people weren’t?
Ultimately, it doesn’t make sense. The only thing standing in my way was me and my own negativity! And my attachment to unhealthy choices. And my laziness. And my lack of discipline.
But you know what I see in that list? Things that are changeable. I can be as strong as my willpower. I am in control of my health.
So today, as I pushed myself to exceed the 20 minute run I did last time and push through until 25 minutes… I thought, “why not me?” I can be the person who enjoys running.
And when this morning I wanted to eat more than a portion that is healthy and sufficient, I thought to myself, “why not me?” My desire for a healthy life can be stronger than my attachment to food.
Last night Dan and I went out for dinner and while we both had lettuce-wrapped turkey burgers, the tables around us were getting pizzas. Was it easy? No. But this is going to be a season, and someday we can share a pizza again. But for now… I think of the power I have to choose a better life. I think, “why not me?”
I deserve it.
You know why? Because that’s who God made me to be! Jesus said “I have come that you may have life and it to the full!” (Exclamation point added because I feel that Jesus would have used one.) And St. Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is man fully alive.”
It’s what God wants for us, it’s how He made us to be. He didn’t doom me to be anxious, depressed, lazy, lethargic, and overweight. No! He’s given us the tools we need and the grace we need to pick ourselves and choose something different.
And in choosing a different life I am more free to bring Him glory! I can love my husband and my friends and family better because I have more energy to be present to them. I can say, “yes!” to more experiences, more conversations, more physical activities.
Why not me? I am weak but God is strong and I will lean on Him. I know I can do this because I have seen others do it. I don’t have to be the one stuck in comparison and negativity any longer.
Why. Not. Me?
You Are Enough
Don’t ever forget that okay? You are beautiful and precious and deserve good things — and I can’t tell you that enough! Look I even dedicated a side-bar-box-thing to it. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He died and rose again because He wants to spend forever with you! Okay, read on. Important reminder over.
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“The glory of God is man fully alive.” St. Irenaeus
Here’s the good, the bad, the raw of my weight loss journey. I share this in hopes that if you see any similarities in your journey, it helps you to not feel alone. I want you to know that if I can do it, so can you. If I can get through these things… so can you.
I can blast off this list because it’s literally been the same for (about) two years now!! The thing about losing weight is that if you do it right and with the right mindset, two things happen…
These are the 4 basic principles I’ve found myself eating by during this pregnancy. I’m so glad that in the year and half prior to this, I’ve solidified the desire and love of healthy habits – which made these things come naturally to me.