This is what I needed to hear as a young twenty-something in the dating world. When I felt run-down and exhausted and hopeless after another break up, or when I wanted to ignore the pit in my stomach indicating a relationship wasn’t right.
I needed someone to implore me not to settle. But what does that mean?
It means you won’t find a perfect man, but a man perfect for you.
There is not a soul in this world who will be like the hero in a rom-com or the Disney prince who saves the day, but you will find someone who complements your soul.
Don’t settle for someone who is unkind, or rude, or selfish. Find someone who wants to grow in virtue.
Remember unhealthy people keep it mostly inside, and then occasionally explode. Healthy people work through conflict by constant communication.
Don’t expect easy, but expect to find joy as you work through difficulties together, as a team.
Find someone who accepts you where you’re at, but encourages you to grow through their example and their words.
No matter how much you pray, he won’t drop down from heaven in front of you. Go out. Say yes to dates. Find social functions to be a part of. Meet new people every week. Create space for God to work.
And lastly, I needed to hear that if I wanted to have a healthy, happy relationship with a man, I needed to become that kind of person myself. I needed to learn to communicate, to be assertive, to set boundaries, to heal from past wounds, to forgive when it is difficult, and to make decisions based on truth vs. emotions. I needed to know that a relationship wouldn’t fix or change me, I was responsible for that myself. If I wasn’t happy alone, I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship.
You have to look in the mirror and realize the kind of people you date is as much about who you are, as it is about who they are. So do not settle. You deserve a man who will love and cherish you. I hope you believe that my dear sisters.
You Are Enough
Don’t ever forget that okay? You are beautiful and precious and deserve good things — and I can’t tell you that enough! Look I even dedicated a side-bar-box-thing to it. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He died and rose again because He wants to spend forever with you! Okay, read on. Important reminder over.
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Love & Relationships
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Jeremiah 29:11
People are broken and material things and experiences are empty in comparison to the God of universe whose love is bigger and better than anything.
I don’t have all the answers, but if you ever feel stuck in communication with someone you care about, here are the phrases, questions, and words that work for us.
I feel like I should hide the good things of my life away. Keep them in my little apartment and in my heart so they can’t be seen. But “that can’t be healthy” I’ve had to tell myself as I process this conundrum.