One of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is that the way I have always defined myself doesn’t necessarily need to stay the same. Actually if it did stay the same, I may in fact be holding myself back.
I say this in relation to this last year and everything that’s changed. Helping other people get healthy is now pretty much my favorite part of my life… and yet, why is it so difficult to define myself by that role? Why do I feel like a poser? Why do I fear what others think? Why do I feel like it’s a lie?
It’s because for my whole life I’ve thought of myself as the-one-thats-overweight. Because that has been my reality. I’ve always been heavier than it’s healthy to be. I’ve always been drawn to over-indulge in sweets. It’s been so long that it became who I was. Part of my identity.
And now I’m at the point where I want to re-write that script.
It isn’t comfortable. But it’s necessary for me to move forward.
See, that idea that I’m the fat kid is a limiting belief for me right now and it’s holding me back. It’s causing me to self-sabotage each time I get to my new “lowest” weight. I get to that new low and I start to feel guilty. I think I don’t deserve this. I think I’m a foodie who will always struggle. I think I can’t lose any more weight because I never have before. And I get in this weird place in my head that is uncomfortable and I compensate by going off plan and putting on a few pounds again. I get back to a “safe” weight for myself where again I feel those familiar feelings of being a bit too overweight. That place is my normal.
But when greatness is within reach… when it’s so close I can start to feel it with the tips of my fingers… I don’t want to keep settling for that old, life-long place of comfort. I want to be my best self… not my old self.
So I’m in this period of redefining who I am and while it’s scary I’m challenging myself to also enjoy the journey and make it fun.
This new Christina is going to be the healthy one. The fit friend. The one who wants to add joy and love and motivation and inspiration to everyone around her. This new Christina is allowed to have good, good things — like a toned, healthy body — because God’s desire for me is to live a life of vibrancy! A life fully alive (John 10:10)!! Who am I to hold myself back from that just because it’s not who I’ve ALWAYS been. It’s a new day, a new springtime.
Mindset is SO key in a health journey like the one I’m on.
Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”
How true. For me, what has to change is my own thoughts about myself. I have to stop telling myself that I’m doomed to be overweight and tired and lethargic. I have to be grateful that I get the privilege of working out and eating well versus feeling like it’s an obligation or a punishment because of my past dessert binges.
A healthy life is going to be a non-negotiable for me from here on out. I don’t care anymore if it’s uncomfortable to reach new goals because it feels like it’s not “who I am” — screw that. It’s who I am today and the present moment is all that matters.
I am Christina, and I am going to live a life fully alive. I am going to keep pursuing my best self, not just my most comfortable self. Greatness, here I come.
You Are Enough
Don’t ever forget that okay? You are beautiful and precious and deserve good things — and I can’t tell you that enough! Look I even dedicated a side-bar-box-thing to it. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He died and rose again because He wants to spend forever with you! Okay, read on. Important reminder over.
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“The glory of God is man fully alive.” St. Irenaeus
I can blast off this list because it’s literally been the same for (about) two years now!! The thing about losing weight is that if you do it right and with the right mindset, two things happen…
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Sometimes I still get nervous to share my before/after photos. I have this idea in my head that people will look at it and only see how overweight I had become. I fear they will judge me. I think of all things they “probably” think about me…