My relationship with God has really been tested this last year since suffering through the grief of losing two little ones too soon.
How do you handle all the emotions of anger, sadness, denial, and shock and wrestle with the idea that despite your suffering God is good and loving and on your side? I avoid God and then I run to Him. I yell at Him and then I whisper how much I love Him. I give Him the silent treatment and then I pour out my heart in praise. I blame Him and ask why me, why now, why this… and I seek comfort from His love and peace. It’s a complicated mess.
And I’m not going to lie, going to church can be really hard sometimes. But this morning I woke up and felt this little tug on my heart to go to church. I realized we had just enough time to get ready before the 6:30 am Mass so without questioning that prompting, I decided to just go with it.
Turns out today is the feast of the Sacred Heart! How beautiful! What a day to go to Mass! The devotion of the Sacred Heart came about because Jesus appeared to a nun during a time when everyone thought they were the worst sinners and that God couldn’t welcome them into His loving heart. So He revealed his heart to this nun to show how it was constantly burning with love and forgiveness and acceptance.
The nun said this: “The Divine Heart is an ocean full of all good things, wherein poor souls can cast all their needs; it is an ocean full of joy to drown all our sadness, an ocean of humility to drown our folly, an ocean of mercy to those in distress, an ocean of love in which to submerge our poverty.” – St. Margaret Mary Alacoque
Wow. Pope St. John Paul II said,
“In the Sacred Heart every treasure of wisdom and knowledge is hidden. In that Divine Heart beats God’s infinite love for everyone, for each one of us individually.”
And Mother Teresa said, “Do not let the past disturb you. Just leave everything in the Sacred Heart and begin again with joy.”
So yeah, I’m not the perfect Christian. Not always the loving, well-behaved daughter of God. But He is big enough to handle my big, complicated emotions. He is understanding enough to listen to my angry ranting and raving. He is forgiving enough to draw me back after I’ve wrongly blamed Him for all sorts of things. His heart is too big and too on fire with love for Him to ever turn anyone away. Including me.
His heart is an ocean of joy to drown our sadness. Not just once. Every day. Every moment. All my sadness He can turn to joy.
Do you believe that about your life, your struggles? I dare you to go to Him with every messy feeling and emotion. His heart can handle it. His heart has room for you.
You Are Enough
Don’t ever forget that okay? You are beautiful and precious and deserve good things — and I can’t tell you that enough! Look I even dedicated a side-bar-box-thing to it. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He died and rose again because He wants to spend forever with you! Okay, read on. Important reminder over.
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God & Spirituality
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3
“Today matters.” I feel God whisper to my soul. Today there are lessons to be learned. People to be loved. Gifts to be given and received. Growth to be had. Life to be lived.
Life sucks sometimes and it’s just the reality of a broken world. Our bodies don’t work perfectly. We have sickness, and broken bones, and imperfect fertility.
If we attach God’s blessing to our fertility and our families it would mean I am more favored by God than the woman next to me who can’t have children. And we know God’s love doesn’t work that way.