Today marks 22 weeks of carrying this little guy. I can’t believe it. Every day I get to cradle him in my body and keep him safe is such a gift. I’m very grateful… I tell myself as lunch burns it’s way back up my esophagus and I pop another Tums. Hoping the daily limit on those is more of a gentle suggestion than a rule. Don’t even ask me about my recent fascination/frustration with Tums flavors. This is 2019. They can do better, I just know it.
Chocolate Tums please? Or cinnamon vanilla? Toasted marshmallow? Margarita/Tequila Sunrise? Something… anything… besides fruit or mint. They’ve corned the market and have gotten lazy. It’s not cool, you Tums executives. Behold my wrath.
I feel stupid for my naivety about how my changing body would be reflected in my clothes. All of my old shirts and tops still fit “technically” but they’re about 6 inches too short! I didn’t see that one coming. My bank account didn’t either. Brought home about 5 new pieces yesterday. I’m not sure if I needed more Target maternity clothes or if I just like shopping for clothes. TBD.
It’s just shirts anyway because all I do is live in these leggings. In my first trimester I wasn’t growing very much but I was so sensitive, sick, and uncomfortable that I didn’t want any waistband cutting into me! I saw another pregnant mama on Instagram rave about these “unofficial” maternity leggings and after a bunch of googling, and confirmation from many, many-a-growing-woman, I closed my eyes and bought some. Eyes closed because of sticker shock and embarrassment for buying the pants of the athletic upper class. That was 3 and a half months ago and I haven’t taken them off. I’m kidding only about 5% (I take them off to sleep).
So… I have zero guilt now. I can’t tell you how many pairs of $15-$30 leggings are sitting in my dresser because they’re “meh.” These are made to make you feel naked. The waistband is… like you’re naked because it feels like nothing is there? But they stay up perfectly. Moms say they can wear them all 9 months of baby-growing. They’re pilling in between my thighs, and on top of the thighs but I couldn’t care less. On the inside where it matters they feel heavenly against my skin. I’m actually not 100% sure if angels knit them and threw them down like manna, but maybe.
I can’t take naps because there are too many things to google. Also maybe a sign I should just leave my phone in another room, but then HOW would I find out how quickly baby gets hot sauce through my blood stream when I eat Mexican? Or how to relieve sharp pains in my left hip joint? This is a real problem.
My only craving is Dr. Pepper or Coke. This is so unlike me! I haven’t wanted to drink soda in years. I don’t let myself keep it in the house (one of my eating rules) but I’ll occasionally get it at a restaurant IF the stars align and I don’t also feel the flames of hell I mean heartburn coming on. Obviously I googled what it means if you crave coke in pregnancy and they said a) don’t do drugs, and b) you’re probably just unhealthy and want sugar. So that was kind and reassuring.
Other than that, feeling him punch and kick and move lights me up. It makes up for all the aches and pains and weirdness of the thought that my body is making new organs and bones and eyeballs for another person right now. No big deal.
You Are Enough
Don’t ever forget that okay? You are beautiful and precious and deserve good things — and I can’t tell you that enough! Look I even dedicated a side-bar-box-thing to it. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He died and rose again because He wants to spend forever with you! Okay, read on. Important reminder over.
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“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:14
Since the place holds so much magic for us, I knew I wanted to take pregnancy announcement photos at Disneyland
To say God only has good in the future is a lie about who He is. We have a God who is all love and that kind of God won’t let you suffer today without redeeming it in some way. The question is if you will notice it and be grateful for it.
Beauty reminds me that God is good. It reminds me that life isn’t only pain and death and frustrated hope but life is also joy and goodness and the purity of truth.