“Today matters.” I feel God whisper to my soul. Today there are lessons to be learned. People to be loved. Gifts to be given and received. Growth to be had. Life to be lived.
Life sucks sometimes and it’s just the reality of a broken world. Our bodies don’t work perfectly. We have sickness, and broken bones, and imperfect fertility.
If we attach God’s blessing to our fertility and our families it would mean I am more favored by God than the woman next to me who can’t have children. And we know God’s love doesn’t work that way.
And the salt in the wound of my tender millennial christian heart was when the “things” meant more to people than people. When the rosary and the praying of it was more important than looking and seeing your neighbor’s need wasn’t a holy card but a smile and a hug.
So yeah, I’m not the perfect Christian. Not always the loving, well-behaved daughter of God. But He is big enough to handle my big, complicated emotions. He is understanding enough to listen to my angry ranting and raving.
It’s okay to stop suffering. There is no need to drag on your suffering when God is inviting you to step into the new person your suffering can enable you to become.
Today all we heard about was how because of the (big, bad, scary) world we live in, we’re all just falling deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper into sin.
I’m sorry if you thought I was the one eagerly skipping into Mass every day. I’m not. The truth is that some days I find it really difficult to go.
Sometimes God feels really far away. Like on those days when it feels like the world is falling apart and everything is a mess and oh it’s also a Sunday so you’re “supposed” to drag your butt to church but that is literally the last thing you want to do. Yeah, I get it.
I think my biggest mistake in my spirituality has been to think my holiness is up to me. This fault especially comes out around big liturgical times like Advent when I think the readiness of my heart depends on how many “things” I do, and how many devotions I can check off the list (and post on instagram), and having the right candles and journals and prayers.