If we attach God’s blessing to our fertility and our families it would mean I am more favored by God than the woman next to me who can’t have children. And we know God’s love doesn’t work that way.
And the salt in the wound of my tender millennial christian heart was when the “things” meant more to people than people. When the rosary and the praying of it was more important than looking and seeing your neighbor’s need wasn’t a holy card but a smile and a hug.
Since the place holds so much magic for us, I knew I wanted to take pregnancy announcement photos at Disneyland
So yeah, I’m not the perfect Christian. Not always the loving, well-behaved daughter of God. But He is big enough to handle my big, complicated emotions. He is understanding enough to listen to my angry ranting and raving.
To say God only has good in the future is a lie about who He is. We have a God who is all love and that kind of God won’t let you suffer today without redeeming it in some way. The question is if you will notice it and be grateful for it.
Beauty reminds me that God is good. It reminds me that life isn’t only pain and death and frustrated hope but life is also joy and goodness and the purity of truth.
I forget the blessing because the pain hurts so much. I am at the same time grateful but also angry. Life is never black and white, cut and dry, one or the other.
What do you do when your worst fear is realized? How do you cope when your nightmare follows you into your waking?
I told Dan the other day, “2017 was a rough year for me.” And I meant it.
I get it, Mass isn’t “technically” over. But I think before we go shaming and guilt-tripping and name-calling and judging… we all need a little imagination.